So Chic, Very Chic: The Real Housewives of Shake-N-Go Wigs
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This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal.
Can somebody please explain to me what Storm King is? I know about it because I am somebody who follows snarky art critics online, and also was forced to watch Master of None on a hookup once. PAPER’s social editor and I are headed there shortly, for a semi-last minute Charli XCX installation/listening party/social media pop-up event. Someone on Twitter joked that it will be a good litmus test to determine who has a fake job, and I’d like everyone to know my job is very much real! It’s not my fault it sometimes includes a three-hour drive from Philadelphia to a random outdoor sculpture garden to listen to a remix album from the inventor of “Boom Clap.”
Okay, so back to Storm King. Is it like, a lot of art? I like art and often look at it. The exhibit on Cy Twombly at the Philadelphia Museum of Art is a frequent hangout spot of mine when I’m feeling a bit scattered, but it does depend on what I’m looking at. Will I need to read a lot of plaques, and will there be words invented by academics to punish Twitter users who can’t read? These are questions that kept me up last night, while working on my outfit. It’s quite cute, if I say so myself: Prada-adjacent shorts, a John Paul Gaultier top I bought in 2015 before it was cool, my new thigh high shaft boots and a leather trench coat I pull out once the weather comfortably dips below 60 degrees. Cute, right?
Okay, so back to Storm King. Does it look like the kind of thing the Real Housewives of New York City would go to for an activity day involving team building exercises? It kinda gave that vibe from the photos, which only raised more questions about why Charli XCX would show up there in the first place.
Speaking of The Real Housewives of New York City, the girls took helicopters out of the city this week, another activity I personally loathe. The interiors of those vehicles are ugly and the lighting is bad. Hence, it’s a sparse week for fashion! Let’s dive in.
The Real Housewives of New York City
Jenna Lyons
Maybe it’s because I want to hang out in bed eating french fries with her dog, maybe it’s because she’s so chic and rich, or maybe it’s because she’s actually quite sensible behind all that quirky bluster. But I quite like that Jenna here struts into most scenes with a mean cargo pant and expensive purses. Call me basic! Call me a slavering fashion-obsessive bound to a karmic cycle of industrial grade ass kissing! I don’t give a fuck! At least her hair is always right, and she keeps her sunglasses on indoors. Who gives a fuck if she wants to wear a denim jacket and a red lip to grab coffee with her least favorite person!
Sai De Silva
Speaking of chic, Sai is back in her accessories, collared shirts, sunglasses and Instagram-ready beige fit. After effusively complimenting Jenna Lyons, it’d be wrong to turn my nose up at the attempt made here. It would be wrong, and yet! Maybe I just don’t like her personality, necessary as it might be, and maybe I’m over this particular strain of excessive gold placement. I just need one less thing to look at, like maybe if the earrings were tiny little hoops or the necklace was a chic series of mismatched pendants. If you want to look like a character in the next Tom Ford movie, go all-in on those carefully curated details! And put down the Instagram explore page. That said, the outfit is perfectly serviceable. It’s just that, like Sai here, I suffer from an unrelenting bitchy streak.
Mel and Racquel Chevremont
I’m incredibly pleased that Bravo has added more queer women to the cast, making it the first franchise in the history of Bravo to have multiple full-time cast members in same-sex relationships at the same time. It also helps that Mel and Racquel are hot, Mel being a forensic neuropsych-something or other, and Racquel a fancy art world power player. Don’t they make quite the pair? Mel is rather plain, but her hair screams, “I fuck and ride motorcycles,” which is all it really needs to say, at least as far as I’m concerned. I love Racquel’s twin ponytails with the top bun and braids. It also helps that Racquel is in Rick Owens and is literally the quintessential Rick Owens woman. Art world lesbian with a gearhead fiance? Exactly!
Ubah Hassan
I actually burst out laughing. Not at Ubah, really. Not at her Moda Operandi dress, her red lip, her nails or those two bright lamps in what appears to be a hotel room. It’s more so that this confessional looked like it was ripped from an SNL sketch spoofing The Real Housewives and set in The Wizard of Oz. (Who’s excited for Ariana to host this week?) That hair: I mean, come on! What on God’s green earth transpired here? She looks like a minor character in Veep that Selena Meyer yells at while on a vice-presidential peace mission to a financial summit in Switzerland.
The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City
Meredith Marks
There’s something perplexing happening with Meredith Marks and her wardrobe this season. Not only has she somehow turned everything she owns into an uncomfortable shade of camel, but she’s added zips. Just look at that first cashmere set! I’m sure it’s Loro Piana or the like, but it might as well be a TJ Maxx sleep set I got for half-off at Christmastime for the great aunt I don’t see often. And that second jacket with the matching pants? My God! Since when was her name Linda, and for how long has she sold time-share insurance out of a model condo unit in Boulder, Colorado?
Whitney Rose
There’s something deeply alluring about Whitney’s bob this season. Paired with the tiger print button-up, she’s like if Skyler White was actually evil, or she’s like if that lady the Tiger King accused of killing her husband actually slayed. You know what I mean? I’m drawn into the deep aura of mystery and intrigue that perpetually surrounds her. This is a Big Little Lies character stranded in Utah, or a woman in a Lifetime mystery movie about her dead gay husband.
Mary Cosby
A little known fact about me is that I am incredibly snoopy. Part of the pleasure of the reality TV medium is that it allows for a level of voyeurism into people’s private spaces not usually available to me in real life. After all, I’m not an animal! I can’t just walk into my neighbor’s home and ask to see how they keep their bedroom. But on RHOSLC? I’m given a full frontal view of Cosby’s excessively cluttered home life. I mean, look at the 14 different bottles by her bedside or the multiple snack containers. Gross! What about the ants, Mary? And what’s the deal with that spooky headboard that looks like it’s been molded from sea foam and gold? Isn’t it kind of jagged for a headboard?
Likewise, look at her very un-chic bedspread or her messy nightstands in the back! Like her personal style — effusive in its need to prove itself — Mary Cosby’s home life is a disordered, colorful and ultimately hodge bodge monstrosity. At least Bronwyn has the good sense to keep her maximalist decor minimal.
Angie Katsanevas
The Greek Queen showed up to a Bucks game this week to support the so-called Greek Freak. That’s about all the engagement I’m willing to give the sport of basketball in PAPER Magazine, so let’s move on to her outfit. What an outfit it is! She has the Greek flag tights, white fur coat, jersey and printed sunglasses with a severe center part. She’s even brought along a massive Greek flag, just to make it clear what she’s all about!
Funny, though, because she really makes this look work for her. Doesn’t she? I know it’s over-the-top and ridiculous, and I know I have an infinitely large blind spot for my mother, but I’m genuinely tickled every time she pulls a stunt like this. It’s chic, sorry! Even if the colors perpetually make me flinch for reasons that should be obvious to most people with a heart, decent enough politics and common sense.
Angie Katsanevas and Heather Gay
I was tickled by the fact that in different parts of their palatial Minneapolis Airbnb, Angie and Heather were in dueling Gucci tracksuits. They even matched their smoky eyes! There’s really nothing worse than a Gucci tracksuit, save a Gucci belt. They’re the lowest common denominator of big ticket, low-brow fashion items. Funny, considering the brand’s vaunted legacy in most other places. Its loungewear and accessories are genuinely quite cheap looking, at least to lil ol’ me! They’re like those Celine leggings with the wide, printed band that were everywhere a few years ago.
Photos courtesy of Bravo/NBCUniversal
This is So Chic, Very Chic, PAPER’s examination of Bravo’s sprawling cohort of fashion obsessives. From haute couture to TJ Maxx, they’ve literally worn it all. Sometimes they stunt, sometimes they turn the look, and sometimes they burn holes in retinas my ophthalmologist says might never heal. Can somebody please explain to me what Storm…
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